I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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