If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
