How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
