He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I am spending my child support on dildos
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
