I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
