so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
