lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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