Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just made my gag reflex go away.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
