TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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