First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
