Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
