i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
cat food counts as protein by the way
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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