God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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