Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I can text with my tongue
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
