Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
