Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
