Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
