you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
