who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
