is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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