Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
