I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
