dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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