So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
