Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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