God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
