how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
