i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
