I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
