Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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