The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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