I CAN MOONWALK!
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
