I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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