I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I have tasted many bathrooms
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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