You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
