D3 body, D1 cock
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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