Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
