Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
