No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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