do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
