I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
