I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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