my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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