Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
