Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
