Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize