..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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