he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
