I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize