Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
