and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
This show inspires me to have sex in space
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
