my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I think I won the penis lottery.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
