dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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