I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Randomize
